Redeemed.

Redemption is one of those "Sunday School words" that I tend to gloss over in Bible studies or while listening to sermons. It just sounds so, um, theological.

I've mentioned before that I started BSF this September for the Isaiah study, and to say that it's been difficult would be a vast understatement. Besides the challenge of making myself be disciplined enough to actually do the study, the book of Isaiah is just overwhelmingly depressing. There are smatterings of hope here and there, but the overall picture is of God's judgment (of both his people and their oppressors) and wrath. Reading chapter after chapter of torment and destruction is just tough to swallow.

However, this week included chapter 35, which is all about the redemption of God's people and the restoration that He offers. Redemption, by definition, means the recovery of ownership by a specified sum. Thanks to the New Testament, we know that Jesus came to redeem us, taking back ownership (which was given to sin, thanks to Adam and Eve) by the sum of his own humiliating death on a cross.

I can't tell you how many times I cheapen the gospel by my act of glossing over the concept of redemption. Jesus came to earth and willingly died in my place before I even existed, much less was aware of my need for such a savior. It should've been me who was forced to pay my own debt, but He paid it instead. What a huge gift. How am responding to this gift? How are you responding to this gift?

Even today, God still uses the circumstances of life to redeem us and bring us closer to Himself. I thought I posted this song about a year ago, but I can't find it in my archives, so I want to make sure I post it now. This is one of my very favorite songs from one of my very favorite groups (Selah), and it means something new to me every time I hear it. Ha, I even tried to sing it at church awhile back, and I couldn't even finish the song I was so emotional. Embarrassing. I digress. You can check it out on YouTube (or buy the whole album; it's so great) because the song is just gorgeous, but if that's not an option for you right now, here are the lyrics:

Unredeemed

The cruelest words, the coldest heart
The deepest wounds, the endless dark
The lonely ache, the burning tears
The bitter nights, the wasted years

Life breaks and falls apart
But we know these are

[Chorus]
Places where grace is soon to be so amazing
They may be unfulfilled, they may be unrestored
But when anything that’s shattered is laid before the Lord
Just watch and see it will not be
Unredeemed

For every choice that led to shame
And all the love that never came
For every vow that someone broke
And every life that gave up hope

We live in the shadow of the fall
But the cross says these are all …

[Chorus]

Places where grace is soon to be so amazing
They may be unfulfilled, they may be unrestored
But you never know the miracles the Father has in store
Just watch and see it will not be
Just watch and see it will not be

Unredeemed.

Thankful

Happy Thanksgiving!

I'm beyond thankful for so much this year, including my amazing husband, precious daughter, baby-to-be, lovable dog, awesome family, comfortable home, faithful friends, good health, and more than I have time to mention. 

But even more than all of those things, I am so thankful for God's gift of grace. On the day we set aside specifically for giving thanks, check out the lyrics to this Caedmon's Call classic:

 Thankful

You know I ran across an old box of letters
While I was bagging up some clothes for Goodwill
But you Know I had to laugh at the same old struggles
That plagued me then are plaguing me still
I know the road is long from the ground to glory
But a boy can hope he's getting some place
But you see, I'm running from the very clothes I'm wearing
And dressed like this I'm fit for the chase

'Cause no, there is none righteous
Not one who understands
There is none who seek God
No not one, I said no not one

So I am thankful that I'm incapable
Of doing any good on my own

'Cause we're all stillborn and dead in our transgressions
We're shackled up to the sin we hold so dear
So what part can I play in the work of redemption
I can't refuse, I cannot add a thing

'Cause I am just like Lazarus and I can hear your voice
I stand and rub my eyes and walk to You
Because I have no choice

I am thankful that I'm incapable
Of doing any good on my own
I'm so thankful that I'm incapable
Of doing any good on my own

'Cause by grace I have been saved
Through faith that's not my own
It is a gift of God and not by works
Lest anyone should boast

Give up everything?

After shedding more tears than I care to admit, I finally finished reading Same Kind of Different as Me last week. I cried so hard I was thisclose to throwing up. The only reason I didn't was that I was too tired to get out of bed to puke. TMI. Guess I should've warned you.

So between that book, our BSF study in Isaiah, and reading Crazy Love for our ministry workshop on Saturday, my brain and my heart are working on overdrive. I'm on a collision course with truth and am finally taking a good look at who God is, how He views sin, and what it means to really follow Him.

I honestly don't know what it means. I mean, sure, Jesus commands us to give up everything to follow Him. I don't always do that. I hold on to my plans and my family and my stuff. Why am I trying to give God my leftovers?

I can't continue to compare myself to others, thinking that "how I'm doing" is somehow relative to those around me. It's not.

As A.W. Tozer put it, "...the most portentous fact about any man is not what he at a given time may say or do, but what he in his deep heart conceives God to be like."

If I will actually come to a point that I grasp the magnitude of God (note that I didn't say "understand Him fully;" that is impossible), my life will be different. I won't look like a church-ified version of the world.

My thoughts are pretty jumbled right now as I process, but here's what it comes down to in the words of Francis Chan: " Following Christ isn't something that can be done halfheartedly or on the side. It is not a label we can display when it is useful. It must be central to everything we do and are."

Revenge and jalapenos.

If you've known us for longer than, say, a month, you know that we live behind Mr. and Mrs. Crazy. Long story short, they like to call animal control (and the police) on a regular basis to complain that our dogs bark. (Which, for the record, they don't bark any more than any reasonable dog. We have the notarized letter signed by each of the rest of our neighbors to prove it.) Any time we're in our back yard we see them watching us from their windows. It's more than a little creepy.

So last night I was getting Avery's bath ready, and I heard the dogs bark maybe three times. I filled the tub, but before I set Avery in it I heard Nutmeg start freaking out. I ran to the back door to see Meg standing at the edge of the deck barking her little head off at the Crazies' house. Their blinds were all the way open and I saw Mrs. Crazy standing there staring at us. (Note: I've never seen this woman in the entire 3 years we've lived in our house.) I waved to her to let her know I had the "situation" under control, and she flipped me off. Flipped me off! Um, hello woman. YOU were the one creeping out the window. YOU are the one who has made us bend over backwards for you (i.e. bark collars and minimal time outside). And you flip me off??

Matt marched over to their house to find out what the heck their problem is, but of course they don't answer their door. Ever. (We're told they don't even answer the door for neighbors who bring misdelivered mail. Antisocial much?) They do have two video cameras on their front porch. So James Bond.

I suppose we will just have to "love our enemies" and "turn the other cheek" and all those other Biblical directives that are really hard to do when the flesh just wants revenge.

And now to change subjects completely.

I made some super yummy BBQ Beef Casserole (Don't knock it. I told you it's yummy. Either believe me or try it yourself.) tonight. Matt devoured his because he had to go to a meeting and I'm a slow cook (and, I think, because it was incredibly delicious), and Avery was shoveling it in as well. She still eats with her fingers (mostly because I lack patience and the desire to clean the mess that would prevail after her use of utensils), so it was a little messy. Did I mention yet that it was more than just a little spicy? Jalapenos, meet Avery's eyes. Let's just say that when Matt left, dinner got a little chaotic. I wiped down Avery's hands and face, finished feeding her with a spoon, and promptly took her to the tub.

Seriously, where has the time gone? She's not my helpless little baby anymore. She's a little girl with a gigantic personality and ever-growing independence. When did that happen?? I let her have an extra-long playtime in the tub tonight because I was so caught up in watching her read her book, figure out the logistics of bath splashing, and fill up and dump out the rinsing cup. It really doesn't seem like it's been that long since we were fumbling around trying to figure out how to bathe a newborn who hated the water. 

My hope and prayer is that I won't waste time letting the frustrations of life rob me of the joy that is found in the life that Christ gave me through His Son.

Growth.

Is it bad that I hate it when God teaches me things?

Currently on His apparent agenda:

• Loving the unlovable
• Trusting that He is our provider

Yeah, those things are really hard for me.

The end.

Missions is Not God's Ultimate Goal, Worship Is

I know it's been awhile since I blogged, but I was inspired to put my thoughts in writing because we just returned to the U.S. after spending 10 days on a church planting trip on Margarita Island in Venezuela. Our team (comprised of many from Grace Church and others around the country) saw the Lord do amazing things, however, He's put a lot on my mind over the past few days.

This was my fifth international mission trip, and I don't mention that to boast at all, I mention it because my emotions after returning home after a "mountaintop experience" such as a mission trip have run the gamut.

I remember that after my first trip in 2002, which was to Venezuela, there were so many stories I wanted to share with anyone who would listen. I was incredibly emotional and excited about the work of God and when other people weren't equally excited, I was offended and took it personally. I wanted to immediately go back to where my emotional high took place because "no one here in America could possibly understand."

Three years after that first experience, I went on my third trip, this time to Romania to teach English for two weeks. I came back to the United States with a renewed vision for the future, believing that at some point God would call me to live overseas and teach English. (For the record, Matt and I are still completely open to that possibility.)

This brings me to my current state. Bear with me by first reading a quote from John Piper's book, Let the Nations be Glad:

Missions is not first and ultimate: God is.

This truth is the life blood of missionary inspiration and endurance. William Carey, the father of modern missions, who set sail for India from England in 1793, expressed the connection:

When I left England, my hope of India’s conversion was very strong; but amongst so many obstacles, it would die, unless upheld by God. Well, I have God, and His Word is true. Though the superstitions of the heathen were a thousand times stronger than they are, and the example of the Europeans a thousand times worse; though I were deserted by all and persecuted by all, yet my faith, fixed on the sure Word, would rise above all obstructions and overcome every trial. God’s cause will triumph.

Carey and thousands like him have been moved and carried by the vision of a great and triumphant God. That vision must come first. Savoring it in worship precedes spreading it in missions. All of history is moving toward one great goal, the white hot worship of God and his Son among all the peoples of the earth. Missions is not that goal. It is the means and for that reason it is the second greatest human activity in the world.

It's so easy to get caught up in pointing others toward Christ that our passion becomes "winning souls for Christ" and "going into all the world to share the gospel." Please don't get me wrong. We were commanded to do so in Matthew 28:19-20, but let's not forget that the Lord Himself should be our number one priority. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God (Hebrews 12:2). And in remembering this, let's also keep in mind that Jesus Christ made an impact in his own community by living among the people and serving them in love. We're all given an opportunity right where we're at to love people and serve them, just like Jesus did. When did it become less important to minister to those right around us that we feel like the only way to serve the Lord is to go to a foreign country? There are countless people that I come into contact with every single day, and I simply overlook the opportunity to be "salt and light."

I'm getting a little rambly, but I just wanted to share my conviction to "love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind" and to "love your neighbor as yourself" no matter where that may be.

**If you're interested in reading more from Let the Nations be Glad, there's an excerpt at http://www.reallifeboston.com/getinvolved/LetTheNationsBeGlad.pdf