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Sunday, August 15, 2010

T-minus 1 day...

...until I'm officially a stay-at-home-mom.

I know we're doing the right thing, and I'm so beyond words excited to spend every day with my sweet Avery, but I can't help feeling really, um, nervous? anxious? worried? about what's about to go down. I mean, I'm responsible for her education, entertainment, and general well-being from sunrise to sunset without a break. (Wait, that's motherhood, you say?)

Summer's different. Matt's home, there's tons to see and do, and it's just, well, summer. But Tuesday. Tuesday is when we get down to business. Babies thrive under a routine (and let's face it, so do I), and while we've had some semblance of order this summer, it's not quite the same. I need to get my butt in gear.

I'm up to the challenge, but, as is true in all areas of my life, I fear the f-word.

No, not that f-word. Get your mind out of the gutter.

FAILURE.

Yikes, I said it. What if I'm not good enough? What if all I have in the kitchen for breakfast one morning is chocolate cake? What if I'm so behind on laundry that we have to go to the grocery store in our pajamas? What if Avery isn't reading, coloring between the lines, speaking Spanish, or saving the world before the age of 2? I jest, but it's so easy to get caught up in the comparisons to other kids and even other moms.

I'm not Supermom. I probably never will be. The trick, I believe, is going to be remembering that all those other moms aren't either. Not that I need to be comparing myself to them anyway.

This blog post said it better than I could, "I have the exact qualities God knew my kids would need in a mother. So, each day I hold up my willingness and ask God to make me the best version of me I can be."

I love that. 

And I love that I'm supposed to be inadequate. If I were able to do it all on my own, I would have no need for the saving grace of the One who owns it all.

So here's to the next chapter. I'll fail as a mother, wife, daughter, and friend. Don't expect me to have it all together. I won't. But each day I'll "hold up my willingness and ask God to make me the best version of me I can be."

3 comments:

aprilmcgrew said...

I struggle with the same exact thing. Sometimes I feel like somehow I've "failed" Annabelle because she hasn't rolled over yet! I think that we have an overwhelming desire to provide, protect, and nurture our children that snowballs into an obsession with perfection. Why not? We think they are perfect. Why shouldn't our parenting be perfect? It's a slippery slope, to be sure.

By simply reading your blogs and knowing Matt, I am beyond confident that you are an amazing Mom. Avery is lucky to have you! Just know, whenever you have a screaming toddler that would rather "eat" the marker than color with it, it's just one day and it's normal. :)

My cousin says this: "I allow my self to suck at one thing each day. Sometimes it's my job. Sometimes it's at being a wife. Sometimes it's at being a mom."

Brooklynn said...

Great post. How exciting though!

To be able to stay at home with Avery is such a blessing. I look forward to the day I'll be able to spend time daily with my child......unborn child. Nothing to share about baby news right now (Ha! I didn't want you to think I was insinuating anything).

At least now I'll have someone home during the day with me for a lunch date! :)

joyceandnorm said...

Hooray! You will do great! There will be days when you feel like you aren't, or even like you don't want to, but you're already choosing to be your A's full-time primary caregiver, and she knows that you want the best for her.

And no, we don't have Blue Bell over here...only in 18 states according to wikipedia. "The sales area includes southern states between Arizona and Florida and Kansas City, an area that comprises only 20% of the ice cream sales geographic market." Definitely will have to try some when we're in those parts. Have you heard of Lapperts? They're mainly in Hawaii (which is where I had it), but only sold in 6 mainland states in the West. Pretty yum too!