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Thursday, October 29, 2009


One of my nicknames in high school was Heifer. I like to think that it wasn't a fat joke but just a play on my name. Hmm.

I never thought that nickname would come back to haunt me after graduation, but over the past few months there were countless times in which I felt like a heifer. Let me explain. (Male people: you might want to stop here. It's awkward. No, seriously. Stop. Kthanks.)

I always kind of figured I would breastfeed when I had kids (not that it was a topic I thought about frequently, but you know). Nobody ever talks about how draining it is though (pardon the pun, hehe). I remember the first few weeks feeling like I just had a baby attached to my boob. Yes, the AAP recommends breastfeeding for a year, but I was going to be doing good to make it to three months. It was hard. And not always enjoyable (gasp, I admitted it). I did it though because 1) it's best for Avery, 2) it's good for me (hello, size 4s!), and 3) it's free.

We made it to a month. It got a little easier. We made it to two months, and I was also pumping at work so Avery could eat at day care (since that's kind of necessary), and we didn't even have to supplement with formula. However, this girl loves her food, and pretty soon, my supply wasn't keeping up with her demand. So we started supplementing, but at around three months, we went from supplementing breastmilk with formula to supplementing formula with pumped breastmilk. Then it was pretty much downhill from there. No more milk from the heifer.

**EDIT: My husband has informed me that I am technically incorrect in my analogy seeing as how a heifer is a cow who hasn't had a calf. Therefore, a heifer wouldn't be milked. Whatever.**

One might think that I'd be satisfied that we met the three month mark, but there was something about it that just made me sad. Maybe it was just that it felt like we had moved on to the next phase and the first was over too quickly. Maybe it was that I missed the closeness of nursing. Maybe it was that I felt guilty for not nursing for long enough.

Whatever it was, it hit me that my baby girl is growing up way too fast already, and I need to take more mental snapshots so I don't forget a thing. It's so easy to get caught up in the I-can't-wait-until mindset, and God has really been reminding me (in so many ways!) to enjoy the now. Live today. We're told in James that we're not guaranteed tomorrow (and that's hard for my super-planner self to accept!). I need to serve and worship with my whole heart right. now.

I had no idea I could love someone so much. I guess the cliches are right.

1 comment:

dpetty17 said...

sweet post Heather! So many more great things to look forward to though, Avery crawling and walking and talking!! Let's hope her first word is Mamma, or phrase "Not the Mamma!"